


Transition

by badumtsh



Series: RWB (Roommates With Benefits) [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Graduate School, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, not tagging too much for now so I don't give anything away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2020-01-12 01:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18436526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badumtsh/pseuds/badumtsh
Summary: Jyn and Cassian have been together for three years when Jyn decides to go back to grad school, but they have to accommodate an unexpected change in their lives.Sequel to All You Had to Do Was Ask





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ha, I'm back!
> 
> I'm not going to lie, I've worked nonstop on this. I've done so much research, gone to some weird places on the internet for this so I hope it's all worth it. Apologies, the first chapter is a bit short, it's more of a preface than anything else. Next chapter will have smut and that is a guarantee. 
> 
> I was so blown away by the response to All You Had to Do Was Ask that I knew I couldn't just keep this idea in my head and not post it. I will say however that it's a separate fic for a reason, and it's a genre that just might not be for everyone, but I think most everyone who liked my first fic will like this. Honestly? You guys all rock.

Jyn was wide awake and jittery despite having taken only a few sips of an energy drink, foregoing coffee that morning in fear of what it would do to her stomach. She was not eager to relive the time she took the SATs after deciding to go to the States for school, started the morning with a greasy breakfast, and had to push past dozens of other kids to make it to the bathroom during their two allotted breaks. She paced around the kitchen, her eyes never straying from her GRE test book with copious notes scribbled in the margins, going over practice questions multiple times in her head even though at this point she knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference—not on test day. She made herself choke down a piece of toast with peanut butter, not hungry in the slightest but knowing that she had to eat something. It had been so long since she had felt this physically nervous.

“You should probably leave soon if you don’t want to be late.” Jyn turned to the kitchen doorway to see Cassian in his pajamas sporting adorable bed head.

She cracked a small smile for him. “You didn’t have to see me off, it’s early,” she muttered.

“I just wanted to wish you good luck,” he said as he walked to her and pulled her into a hug. Jyn was still holding her book and gave him a half-assed pat on the side with one hand. When he pulled back, their eyes met. “I’m serious, you’ll do amazing. You’ve been practicing every free moment—you’ve got this.”

The pep talk didn’t alleviate her nerves much, but it was still appreciated. She leaned up to kiss her boyfriend quickly. “Thanks.”

“I’m so proud of you, Jyn,” he said, with a squeeze to her hips. “You really should leave, though,” he added.

He was right, she confirmed, checking the time on her phone. The testing site wasn’t far away, just a short subway ride, but it was a requirement to be there early.

Jyn pulled herself from Cassian and threw a “love you” over her shoulder before heading out the door. She took the whole day off from work to take the early test and already was looking forward to a restless nap when she got back home.

           

Jyn swore the longest month of her life was waiting for the email that her scores were available to see. In the meantime, she didn’t work on any college applications or look for a part time job, not wanting to get ahead of herself. She gave herself time to relax because if all went well, it would be her last stretch of time for a while where she wasn’t doing anything academic. She kept herself busy with coding projects, even outside of work, and started reading a book for the first time in actual _years_. She even thought about taking up crocheting. If the stress of waiting occasionally made her sit on the fire escape with a cigarette then, well, Cassian didn’t have to know.

Jyn got the email during work and thought for half a minute about waiting to check them until she got home, but curiosity got the best of her and she logged into her account, fingers tapping the side of the keyboard while the page loaded.

Not…not bad.

She immediately pulled out her phone and texted Cassian.

_Verbal 160, quantitative 165, writing 4_

Jyn put her phone away, not expecting an immediate reply. When she used the toilet later, she unlocked her phone as usual and saw his text.

_I just looked that up and that’s really good!! I’m so proud of you Jyn!_

She smiled at the excessive exclamation points but she did know he was being serious. It was almost laughable how fluttery her heart was at a simple text from her boyfriend of three years who she lived with and saw all the time. Still, she was excited for a celebratory beer and a kiss from him at home. She earned it.

 

Jyn had only truly had one school in mind when she thought about going back. She spent hours one evening reading about their graduate programs and quickly decided on an MS in computer science. She sat on the couch with her feet curled up in Cassian’s lap while she browsed on her computer, enjoying the way his hand soothed over her ankle while he was preoccupied with his phone.

“Look at this, NYU’s school of engineering is in Brooklyn. It’s perfect!” Jyn said, turning her laptop for him to see. Cassian squinted at the Google Maps page she had open.

“NYU, huh?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“Worth a shot,” she said, shrugging, “Besides, if I’m in grad school I don’t have to pay my current loans until I finish.”

 

NYU it was.

Jyn and Cassian had spent a Saturday on a campus tour, being shown around both Greenwich and Brooklyn with a small group of high school students and parents, which had only solidified her eagerness. Jyn sent in her application for the summer semester only weeks later and went through the exact same period of stress and restlessness as she had while waiting for test scores, her stomach turning if she even thought about getting rejected. This time, she smoked a cigarette nearly every day, confident that she could stop whenever she wanted.

One night Jyn sat outside, ignoring the numbness enveloping her bare hand as she held the cigarette in the freezing cold, when she nearly dropped it after hearing a tap on the window.

The window opened and Cassian stuck his head out, lips pursed, his expression reminding her of when Saw caught her drinking for the first time when she was fifteen. Of all the dangerous things he had exposed her to, somehow that was the one she got into trouble for.

She just narrowed her eyes at him and turned her head away, taking another drag, but quickly turned back when she heard him climb through the window and join her on the metal platform.

“When did you start this?” he asked. She offered him her cigarette but he waved it away.

“You’ve never smoked?”

“When I was a teenager, sometimes. It was a social thing.”

Jyn stretched her legs out and looked between her feet through the open grating and watched the cars drive by. “I don’t need your judgement.”

Cassian was truly frowning when she looked back. “I’m not judging you,” he said, his breath visible, “I would never judge you. You just don’t need to keep this from me.”

The silence stretched between them.

“Just, what if I don’t get in? What does that say about me?” She felt his nose press into her shoulder. If it weren’t for the layers of clothing, he probably would have kissed it.

“Then you’ll apply somewhere else. Your application is good, your scores are good. If you don’t get in then it might be on their end, so just try again, either at another school or the next semester. I went through all this, too.”

Jyn huffed out a sigh and put her cigarette out. Cassian clasped her hand.

“Let’s go inside.”

           

Cassian had checked the mail on the day the letter came. Jyn seemed to sense it as soon as he walked in, spotting the purple text on the envelope from across the room. She ripped her earphones off and bolted to him, plucking the letter from his hand before pausing, unable to calm the bundle of nerves in her stomach. Only one thing could do that and her fingers felt too stiff to do it.

“Can you open it for me?” she asked, her voice cracking. Cassian was still taking off his winter gear and just shook his head. It was up to her.

She took the letter into the living room and sat on the couch, clutching the envelope until her fingerprints made it damp with sweat. Cassian soon followed and just sat next to her, a supportive hand on her knee.

Fuck it.

The shredded remains of the envelope fell at their feet. Jyn scanned the simple letter before turning to Cassian and nodding. The letter fell to their feet next as she was pulled into a hug, feeling his lips on her forehead and cheeks.

“I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you,” she heard muffled onto the top of her head.

Jyn was proud of herself, too.

 

 

Jyn had a lot of decisions to make. A lot. Mainly, her job. She liked her current job well enough but it was full time and she would have to quit it for school. That left her with either typical grad student work at the university or getting a part time job to do in the evening. None of the options were easy but the latter sounded even more time consuming. She told Cassian about this dilemma one day while they cleaned dishes together.

“I feel like I’ll never be able to see you,” she admitted.

Cassian looked up from the pyrex dish he was scrubbing and smiled softly, “I mean, it sucks, yeah. But going in, I knew you’d be busy. Don’t let me stop you from any of this.”

“It won’t be forever, I guess,” she added.

“No, it won’t be.”

“But…never mind,” Jyn mumbled. It seemed like lately all they did was have tough conversations. It left her drained.

“Hm?”

“Just…will this change us? Will things between us change if we’re not together as much?”

Cassian turned off the water and dried his hands on a dishrag, looking the picture of contemplation as he stared at the yellow wall above the sink dotted with various food splatter.

“I think,” he started, pausing to swallow. “I think that this is different, and we’ll have to adjust.” When he met her eyes, Jyn felt her heart flip in her chest, the way he looked at her like she was the center of his world was so overwhelming. “But I love you so much and we’ll make this work,” he finished, taking her still soapy hands in his.

She simply nodded and surged up to kiss him deeply, her hands looping around his neck, and she wondered, not for the first time, how she got so lucky, what she did to deserve a man like Cassian.

 

Jyn would find out that summer that grad school didn’t change anything between them.

Something else did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian mulls over his past and thinks about his future with Jyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry it's been so long since an update. My old computer was basically breaking down but I finally got a new one so here's hoping to more time for me to write! I promise this is just because I want to give you all the best possible content I can rather than just rush to pull something together because I feel bad about not updating.
> 
> I know I said last time that this chapter would have smut but I am a liar sometimes (well, and the story structure changed a bit) but FOR REAL chapter 3 will have real actual sex scenes!!! There is a slight bump in the rating for this one though.
> 
> Also to address a few of the comments I got last chapter: yes I realize my "twist" in this story can be seen from a mile away and is even more obvious in this chapter but I'm still not tagging it until it actually happens.

_7 years ago_

Cassian pumped his fist silently as the tiles connected and the blocks disappeared. He had been stuck on this level for ages.

He liked being a TA most of the time, but office hours were boring. He had miraculously caught up with grading papers but couldn’t leave until three thirty so he played a battery-draining game on his phone to pass time, and while he usually looked forward to students popping in he was on a successful streak in the game and did not need an interruption.

As if tempting fate, a knock on the open door got him to lock his phone and look at the entrance to the office that was only his twice a week while the actual professor was gone. Maia, a quiet student from his Labor Law I section was in the doorway, fiddling with the straps on her backpack. Cassian gestured her to come in and noticed she was followed by another young woman that he didn’t recognize.

“Hey,” Maia said, making no move to set her things down. She waved a hand towards her companion, “This is my friend Jyn, she’s in another section.”

“Oh, whose?” he asked

“Nioma,” Jyn answered in a soft English accent.

“How can I help you two aspiring lawyers?” Cassian said, regretting it the moment it came out of his mouth. He was trying to be funny but it just sounded weird and corny instead—and in front of one of his students, too.

Maia piped up, “Actually Jyn isn’t pre-law.” Jyn crossed her arms and looked at the floor.

“Oh, what’s your major?” Cassian asked.

“Computer science,” she said, meeting his eye.

“What’s this class for then?” he asked, genuinely curious.

She shrugged, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands. “I just find it interesting.”

“Oh,” Cassian said, for lack of anything better. She was probably the first person in history to take a labor law class just for fun but he wasn’t going to say that out loud. He was impressed, actually.

Maia had a question from his lecture that day about the history of child labor laws. She had wide eyes the way she normally did in class as he extrapolated while her friend opted to lean against another desk with her brow furrowed.

“Will the next exam be cumulative?”

 _Yes—it’s in the syllabus._ “What does the syllabus say?” he asked with a lilt.

He waited as she sheepishly flipped through her folder and pulled out a piece of paper.

“Sorry about that,” she said, putting it back.

He smiled. “It’s fine, just always check the syllabus first.”

As the young women left, Cassian unlocked his phone only to find that the level he was on had restarted. Shit.

Three thirty came and went before he finally slung his bag over his shoulder and left the office, locking the door on his way out. A few halls down he felt his phone buzz and backed against a wall next to corner so he could check it when he heard two distinct female voices, namely, the ones that had just been in his office. There were benches scattered in the next hall that he couldn’t see but were within earshot and it seemed those two were sitting on one now. He wasn’t necessarily listening while skimming the work email he had received but heard them mention something about a late lunch and coffee. However, his ears perked up when he heard _his_ name, of all things.

“What did you think of Andor? How does he compare to Nioma?” Maia said.

“I heard him talk for ten minutes, he’s fine I guess,” Jyn answered, sounding annoyed.

“We don’t have as many exams as it sounds like you guys do, though,” she said back.

“They’re more like quizzes. They’re for attendance more than anything.”

“He’s cute, at least,” Maia said, her voice lower than normal.

Cassian felt his face go hot.

If Jyn said anything back, he couldn’t hear it. He turned around and decided to find another exit from the building.

 

Cassian was bundled in his favorite blue parka with the collar lifted as high as it went in hopes that it kept the biting wind out of his face. He liked New York well enough but adjusting to the cold was almost as hard as adjusting to speaking English after moving. Kes had texted him earlier to meet him and his new friend Shara at their favorite Asian fusion restaurant uptown. Kes had confessed to him that he wanted to ask Shara out sometime, and when Cassian told him he was in no mood to be a third wheel today, he had assured him that Shara was bringing along a friend, too. Cassian wasn’t keen on socializing with someone he didn’t know, but he was also very hungry.

As soon as he stepped inside the building, he unzipped his jacket and scanned the tables for a sign of his friend. He nearly tripped over the doormat when he saw the person that Shara had brought.

 

* * *

 

_4 years ago_

Cassian stared dumbly at the white tiles as he took the most reluctant shower of his life. He smelled like dry sweat but he also smelled like _Jyn_ and he didn’t want that to be over so soon. His mind was reeling still—that evening had felt more like an adolescent fantasy than reality. Not that he had ever imagined the circumstances of him and Jyn finally having sex, but it did not start with her dropping her towel in front of him like she was a hot stepmom in a bad porno.

Had that all really happened? He had the marks on his neck and shoulders to prove it, at least. Afterwards, though, the ever-present self-doubt in his fucked up brain chemistry had immediately squashed his elation. _She was just bored and horny. She’s not attracted to you. She doesn’t want anything else from you. Jyn can have any guy she wants, why would it be you?_

But fuck, the way she had met his eyes while she rocked on his lap, never shying away, meeting his kisses enthusiastically, even holding his goddamn hand…Jyn wouldn’t have done that if she was uncomfortable or disinterested. Would she have?

He looked down at the water streaming down his body, starting to pool at his feet (pool too much actually, he should look at the drain). He thought of Jyn’s previous boyfriends, or even the guys that she would occasionally bring home who he would find shirtless and raiding the fridge the next morning. Plenty of them were more muscular, taller, and much better looking than him, meanwhile his eyes scanned over his own inadequate figure and he leaned his head against the shockingly cold tile. She seemed to enjoy their time together but that didn’t mean she wanted to do it again, not when there were literally millions of better guys out there for her—guys who don’t hate themselves and don’t have traumatic childhoods resulting in antisocial tendencies.

He picked up his usual body wash before realizing it was the one Jyn had used earlier. He set it down and resigned himself to the seldom touched soap bar caked onto the dish.

 

Nervous as he was to talk to Jyn again, Cassian had to do the responsible thing, which is what he reminded himself as he walked down the hall and heard the buzz of her toothbrush coming from the bathroom. The scene of the crime. He knocked.

The door opened and Jyn stared up at him, toothbrush in one hand. She was a sight even with toothpaste foamed onto her lips and running down her chin. Without thinking, he glanced down at her pajamas, which would normally be unremarkable except for now he knew what she looked like underneath and he swallowed hard as he noticed the stretchy fabric clinging to her thighs and breasts. Fuck, _why_ was he thinking like a fourteen-year-old boy who just touched a boob for the first time?

“We, uh, didn’t use a condom.”

Maybe not the best conversation starter.  

Jyn turned around to spit into the sink and rinse her mouth, using her hand to cup the water. Cassian waited until she faced him again.

“We…we should have talked about that,” she conceded.

“That’s on both of us, yeah.” Cassian swallowed, “What I mean though, is do you need to get Plan B or something?”

Jyn looked genuinely surprised, her eyebrows shooting up. “Oh! Uh, no. No, I’m on birth control. You know that.”

He did. He would see it in the bathroom and she wasn’t shy about mentioning it in passing. Cassian held his hands up. “Okay, I’m just making sure.”

He stood in the doorway another moment, feeling like he should say something else, but he wasn’t even close to ready to unpack all of what he was feeling. Standing there in bare feet and pajamas, hair loose from her usual bun, she looked so cozy, and he wanted to put his arms around her or even just lean in close like he usually does. He didn’t, though, instead clapping his hand against the doorjamb in departure before scurrying off to his room.

 

* * *

           

_Present_

_Round, princess, emerald, cushion_ …wait. Emerald was a shape but also a gemstone?

Cassian lifted one of his hands from the laptop and noticed the sweat that remained. Jyn wasn’t even home but he had the strangest fear that she would appear right behind him and see what he was up to. He even had an incognito window open, which was a bit overkill—it’s not like she would hack into his computer and check his internet history.

It didn’t matter anyway, this search seemed fruitless. He had no idea what Jyn would like. She didn’t even wear jewelry except for her mother’s necklace, which was more sentimental than anything. Did she even want an engagement ring? Maybe just wedding rings would do, except it didn’t seem right to propose empty-handed. It’s not like he had an old family ring lying around that he could use. Could he buy something really simple and then go back to the store with her later so they could modify it? He didn’t even know her damn her ring size.  

He rubbed his hand over his face. He had googled ways to find out someone’s ring size discreetly, one method was to wrap a string around her finger while she was sleeping which was…weird but might be his only option at this point. He had texted Kes asking what he did but Shara already wore rings so he had just used one of those for reference.

 _Jyn is crazy about you, she won’t dump you if her ring doesn’t fit_ , Kes added.

 _I hope not_ , Cassian had replied.

It didn’t help that Jyn had seemed a little off lately. She didn’t seem as relaxed around him as she normally did and it almost reminded him of the way she acted when they fought, however there was no fight, and he was racking his brain trying to think of anything he did that would have upset her recently. They hadn’t had sex in a while either, after she turned him down a few times he just stopped asking. Her appetite seemed different than normal too, like it fluctuated. They ordered Chinese the other week and after eating the entirety of her takeout box, she ate the rest of his moo shu pork, too. She didn’t even like pork. In addition to that, he was pretty sure she was skipping meals other nights when she would come home from school and not leave their bedroom, even when he offered to make dinner. He hoped it was a temporary funk from the stress of grad school, but he wasn’t going to press her and make it worse, not unless something more serious happened. He would wait until she was ready to talk.

Another google search led to a quiz for “her style” of ring. The questions were tedious and afterwards he was no closer to figuring out a ring design. What does a woman’s favorite dessert have to do with whether she would want a white gold or a rose gold band? Clearly he’d have to figure out how to work “I’m indecisive as shit” into his proposal.

Cassian heard the front door unlock about half an hour after he had stopped browsing online and he almost winced at the sight of Jyn when she trudged into the living room and set her backpack on the floor. Her face was pale and she had noticeable bags under her eyes and she almost looked like she was in pain when she sipped down the last of whatever was in her clear Starbucks cup. Before Cassian could greet her, she turned back around to the kitchen, and from his seat on the couch he could see her open the cabinet containing the trash can and throw her drink in it. She stood for a moment staring at it before pulling the whole bin out and tying up the bag. Cassian had noticed how overflowing it was and immediately felt guilty for not taking it out earlier.

He turned back to his laptop and continued to hear the bag rustling, followed by the crash of heavy objects hitting the kitchen floor. He looked up but Jyn had moved to a part of the kitchen he couldn’t see from the couch.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“It’s fine, the bag just ripped,” she answered.

Cassian heard another garbage bag being shaken out. Then retching.

He slammed his laptop shut and bounded into the kitchen as fast as possible to see Jyn on her hands and knees vomiting next to a garbage bag laying on its side, its contents spilling onto the floor. He acted quickly, kneeling next to her and tugging her hair out of her face, rubbing her back soothingly. This wasn’t the first time Cassian had done this for Jyn but it had been a while—the last time was two years ago when she had the flu, and the time before that was in college when he stayed at her apartment to take care of her after she drank too much one night. He was also shit-faced, though, so he wasn’t the best of help.

She seemed to be done when she sat back on her heels and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, apologizing.

“Jyn, it’s fine,” Cassian sighed, “I’ll clean this up while you go rinse your mouth.”

She shook her head, “No, I’m not going to make you clean up my—” her next words were cut off with another sharp gag. He looked at her pointedly.

“Go drink some water.”

Once he had cleaned up her sick (thank god it was on the kitchen tile and not on carpet), he took the garbage out and returned to the apartment to find Jyn lying on their bed over the covers, staring at the ceiling. He sat on the edge of the bed and laced their fingers together.

“What’s been going on?” he asked softly. Jyn didn’t look at him.

“I threw up earlier, too. Today’s just been shitty, I don’t know, I think it’s stress. This happened in undergrad, where I would just throw up sometimes.”

“What happened today?” Cassian asked.

Jyn shrugged. “We had an exam in AI that I thought was tomorrow so I completely panicked and then I did terribly. Then I got my grade back for my project for Big Data and it was a fucking C.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, stroking his thumb along hers, and they were silent for a few minutes. Jyn’s hand moved from her side to cover her belly and he squeezed the hand he was holding. “Are you all right? Is the nausea back?”

She looked up at him and her hand slid away. “I’m fine now, I think.” Her eyes were glazed over when she spoke. She was so tired but Cassian couldn’t do anything other than give her the space she clearly needed. He wondered if she was like this in undergrad—she had worked hard then, too, but they didn’t live together, he didn’t know if her eating and sleeping habits suffered back then. He was in no position to scold her over healthy living, though.

“Can you try to eat something tonight?”

Jyn frowned. “Maybe in a few hours, I have a lot I need to do, still.”

She got out of bed a moment later, leaving Cassian sitting by himself, still grappling on how to deal with this stubborn woman that he loved so much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn makes a discovery. Refraining from telling Cassian might not have been the best choice, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally here be smut!
> 
> Sorry again for the wait between chapters, this one was tricky and took several rewrites. The main sex scene in this was risky as a writer and I hope it pays off. 
> 
> And yeah, you guessed it. I will change the tags accordingly in the next few days after everyone reads it.

Grad school was…not fun, exactly. That wasn’t the right word. It was rewarding, it was challenging, it was…fucking exhausting.

Jyn quit her programming job and took a more convenient position as a TA for an intro course in computer science but it was frustrating to deal with a hall full of uninterested, hungover students three times a week. It was the summer semester and the class sizes were small, which had its advantages but it also just made things seem more lonely. Cassian had just taken on a big case too (a fracking lawsuit), so she left him be, staying on campus until nighttime before coming home and collapsing on the couch. Their dinners together all but stopped, him staying at the office so late, and her getting lost in grading and projects at Bern Dibner until it closed. It’s not like they were fighting, the only relationship problem they were having was a lack of time together.

They could power through this, Jyn knew. Just a few more semesters and then things could go back to normal.

Inevitably, a wrench was thrown in those plans.

Late in the summer, Jyn sat on the edge of the bathtub wrapped in a towel, clipping her nails over the trash can. When a clipping jumped across the room, she grumbled and got on all fours to go find it on the tile—boy, did they need to sweep—or possibly under the mat. What caught her eye instead, hidden under the protruding part of the cabinet, was a tiny blue pill. Not just any pill, but one of her birth control pills. Her hand involuntarily shook as she picked it up before she stood and spun around so quick that she felt lightheaded, frantically grabbing her current pack of pills next to the sink. It wasn’t today’s because she was on the sugar week, which was a white pill instead of a blue one.

Fuck.

 _Fuck_.

Even worse, after looking at the floor again, she found another blue pill, along with three vitamins. She threw those away, then flushed the birth control down the toilet—it was no good and she didn’t want Cassian to find it in the trash. When had she gotten so careless?

Jyn sat heavily on the closed toilet, desperately doing maths in her head. Normally, when Jyn thought back to times where she and Cassian had been intimate, it had been with heat blossoming in her cheeks, but this time it was with an upset stomach. What if the pills weren’t even from this month? What if she was already…?

_Nope._

She sat in the bathroom so long that her hair was practically dry by the time she worked up the nerve to get up. She looked in the doorway of their room to see Cassian was sitting up in bed and reading on his iPad, and she hated that the sight of the man she loved more than anything made her uncomfortable. Instead of joining him, she went to the living room and opened the dusty window that led to the fire escape, easily climbing through and sitting on the cool metal. Jyn usually only hid there to sneak the occasional cigarette, and dammit she wanted one, but she was shaking and afraid of crying and she didn’t want to bother Cassian with that.

           

Upon further inspection, the blue pills were from the second week in the pack of birth control. Jyn hadn’t missed a period yet so she assumed the pills were from that month and after some research online, decided to wait before taking a test. It could have been nothing after all—she didn’t want a test to come back inaccurately because it was taken too early.

However, she realized another predicament one night when she playfully nudged Cassian with her shoulder as she passed him in the kitchen, to which he responded by pulling her by the waist and kissing her deeply. She sighed into his mouth and rubbed her thighs together, ran her hands through his hair that he’d been letting grow out a bit (she secretly loved it even though she kept mentioning that he needed a haircut). Cassian’s hands ran over her backside and behind her legs, ready to hoist her up when her brain finally caught up to her body and she pulled away.

“Sorry, maybe not tonight. I’m a bit tired,” Jyn said, her warm face betraying her.

_Maybe it’s nothing. Why scare him._

Cassian just nodded and stepped away. She noticed him smoothing down his hair when she left the room and tried to ignore the tingle between her legs.

 

The second time this happened, Jyn was horny as hell and decided to improvise.

She returned Cassian’s kisses roughly while backing him into the nearest wall, where she unbuckled his belt and shoved her hand in his pants, cupping him while her lips moved to his neck, freeing his mouth to gasp out her name. Jyn pulled both pants and underwear down, mouth watering as she watched his cock pop out into her hand, and Cassian’s moan when she gripped him made her shiver. She kissed her way up his neck and paused at his lips.

“Are you going to be a good boy for me?”

Cassian nodded helplessly.

Jyn pressed their mouths together before dropping to her knees and licking the pre-cum off of his cock, sheathing the head in her warm mouth. She looked up when she felt Cassian smooth her hair out of her face—so generous—meeting his widened eyes as she slurped around him, her saliva already dripping onto the hand wrapped around his length. She desperately wanted to pin him down and ride him until she got his thighs just as wet as her own but that wasn’t an option now, so sucking him off was a fine substitute. She loved to do this, too, wished she could dirty talk if only her mouth wasn’t so occupied.

Jyn’s hand resting on his hips roamed around warm skin until it reached his ass, and she gripped, delighting in the way he cursed at the sharpness of her nails. Cassian must have been as jacked up as her because it didn’t take long for him to come in her mouth, which he did while smacking his hand against the wall behind him and hunching his body over so much that Jyn could feel his stomach on the top of her head as she continued to swallow around his length. His shivers against her finally subsided and she felt his thumbs against her cheeks when she took her mouth off of him, looking up at him with a wide grin on her face. He look positively flushed and out of breath, and Jyn was thrilled that she was the cause of it. Cassian’s hand on her upper arm was the only warning before she was hauled up into a kiss that turned her legs into jelly.

Not even ten minutes had passed when Jyn decided that improvising was pretty good as she lay on her back with her legs over Cassian’s shoulders, rolling her hips with a slack smile on her face because this was the best oral she had received in a long time—and because Cassian’s tongue and lips were incredible and relentless on a bad day, that was really saying something.

She squeezed her thighs around his head when she came (a second time, bless him), then cried out his name when he roughly pressed her legs up until they touched her breasts and stomach. Cassian kissed along her hips and belly, still moving from her hard breathing, but it was when he coyly took a nipple in his mouth that Jyn really reacted, hissing harshly at the light tug between his teeth, causing him to jerk back immediately.

“Shit, Jyn, I’m sorry,” he said. Jyn almost wanted to laugh at his worried look as he hovered over her, hands moving from her flank to the sheets. She pulled him down into a quick kiss.

“It’s okay. I’m not sure what that was, I guess they’re just sensitive today,” she explained.

“PMS?” he asked.

 _I hope so._ She shrugged.

 

The third time, Jyn was prepared.

“I’ve been thinking about trying something new…” she said, trailing off as her hand travelled down his chest, stopping teasingly above his pants.

“Mm, like what?” he asked before pressing a kiss on her neck, nose in her hair. She shivered.

She led him to the bedroom and after a flurry of kisses, instructed him to get a bottle of lube, a raised eyebrow being Cassian’s only response before he rushed off to his task. Jyn used the time to remove her shirt and shorts before he returned and sat on the bed next to her, a hand caressing her bare thigh as he kissed her again, clearly appreciating the newly revealed skin.

“What’s this for?” he asked, holding up the bottle. Jyn put her hand between her breasts and mimed the motion she had in mind, trying to hold back her laughter as Cassian looked away from her, flustered. She’d seen his arsehole for God’s sake, surely they’d be past this stage of embarrassment when it came to sex. “And you’d be okay with that?” he clarified.

“Only if you are,” she said, leaning over the space between them for a kiss that he eagerly returned. She took his hands in her own and placed them over her breasts, bit her lip as his hand dipped into the cup of her bra and pulled one out, circling his thumb around the nipple, his slightly cold fingers massaging the underside. Cassian dropped the lube on the bed and used his other hand to skim up her back and undo her bra, the straps still sliding down Jyn’s arms by the time he bent his head and had a nipple in his mouth. She tightened her thighs and grasped at the ends of his hair (still too long) in her hands, huffing out his name before dropping a kiss to the top of his head. It was an oddly tender gesture and Cassian seemed to think so too because he took his mouth off her skin and looked her in the eyes, a little smirk on his face.

“That was cute.” His eyes trailed down to where her bra was still caught on her elbows.

“You need to get your clothes off,” she said, nodding to his state of full dress. He started with his t-shirt and Jyn couldn’t help the way her head fell against him once it was off, because god _damn_ he was sexy, and she kissed the freckles she loved so much that were scattered over his tan shoulders, causing Cassian to pause his actions. Jyn took the opportunity to undo his jeans with her arms still around him and palm his growing hardness, giggling at the way he groaned.

“Are you taking charge?” he asked, gaze locked onto her hand rubbing over the wet spot on his underwear.

“You don’t want to pin me down?” she said playfully, lips pressed against his neck. Fuck, she was wet just from anticipation, the image of the two of them going at it with his cock between her breasts popping into her head and making her clench her thighs.

When Cassian didn’t answer, Jyn reluctantly let go of him and crawled to the head of the bed with her arse sticking up just in case he was watching, busying herself by arranging some pillows that she could sit up against. She had never done this before and had watched a bit of porn to find out which position would be best to try for someone without large breasts. The videos were initially lacking but she was determined.

She looked back to find Cassian standing, having just rid himself of pants and underwear, and gripping his cock, not fully hard. Their eyes met and Jyn opened her legs, showing him the damp spot of her knickers, and his resulting eyebrow raise gave her gooseflesh.

“You want help with that?”

In a moment, he was on the bed and crouching in front of Jyn, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her so deeply her back arched, he pulled her to him until she wasn’t even touching the pillows anymore, his erection pressed against her belly and fucking _hell_ she was so turned on that all she wanted to do was push him onto his back, pull her panties aside and slide onto him, personal dilemma be damned. Instead, she sucked on his tongue and snaked her arm between their bodies to reach his cock, pull the foreskin back and twist her wrist in just the way he liked, chasing his mouth when he jerked his head back and moaned. Jyn already felt sweat beading under her arms, on her chest, enough to make her self-conscious if she was with anyone else.

“Do you have the lube?” she asked into his neck, letting go of him when he started to move away. He had left it on the other side of the bed and returned but made no move with it.

“Do I…do you…?” Cassian held the bottle out to her.

“Have you done this before?” she interrupted.

He looked away, already flushed but perhaps more so now. Jyn understood—they were very open with each other, and while neither of them was the jealous type it was simply awkward to talk about past sexual partners with current sexual partners, especially during the act itself.

“Yeah, but just with one girl. It was also her suggestion.” He flipped open and closed the bottle cap several times, seemingly without noticing.

Jyn nodded. She didn’t ask who—it wasn’t her business. She instead straightened up again and took Cassian’s face in her hands so he looked at her.

“Well today, you’re taking my tit virginity, and if it’s fine with you I want you to cover your hands in lube put it all over my boobs.” Jyn struggled to maintain a straight face, especially when Cassian burst out laughing at ‘tit virginity’, but at this point laughing during sex was as commonplace for them as oral during sex and she loved to give and receive.

Soon, Cassian was straddling Jyn’s hips while she sighed contently during her breast massage. Her chest was slick and she held onto the back of Cassian’s hands as he squeezed and plucked her nipples into little buds. Relaxed as she was, she finally asked her burning question.

“Have you thought about doing this before? With me I mean,” she asked softly, her hands running down his forearms. His ears _definitely_ turned red.

“I mean,” he started, pausing the movement of his hands, “I’ve thought about doing all sorts of things with you.”

Bolder still, Jyn palmed his cock, heavily laying against her stomach. “Sure, but have you ever thought about it while wanking off?” She used her other hand to grip his hair, bring their mouths together.

“Maybe a few times.” The words fumbled out after she had kissed him to her satisfaction, and she smirked at this new information. Jyn picked up the bottle of lube and squirted some in her palm before spreading it on his cock, ready for this to finally get going.

Cassian got the message and positioned his cock just below her breasts, one hand on Jyn’s shoulders as she took them in her hands. The length of him slipped along her chest and she pressed her breasts together, incredibly conscious that she probably didn’t have enough to fully envelop his cock, but she was willing to try.

It was awkward at first, they tried to get a good rhythm, Jyn not sure when to keep her hands still or when to push her breasts along his length and Cassian hesitant on when and how hard to thrust. He winced the third time the head pressed against her neck, but she shrugged it off.

“Would you rather stand up?” she asked after another sloppy thrust. He got up and she scooted to the edge of the bed so they could reposition themselves but they weren’t properly aligned without one of them awkwardly crouching, and soon, in a huff, Jyn retreated back to the pillows. “This isn’t going as smoothly as I wanted,” she grumbled.

“I’m fine to keep going if you are,” Cassian said when he joined her on the bed, a hand on her arm. She nodded and they shifted again, him holding her shoulders and keeping his eyes between their bodies, continuing slowly. He was being too gentle and it was frustrating Jyn.

“Cass, please, _please_ just let go,” she finally snapped, just wanting him to relax, “I don’t care if your dick hits my face, just pretend this is my pussy and you want to go deeper. I want it to be good for you. Does it feel good?”

Cassian dug his nails into her skin, finally throwing away his restraint. “It does feel good, Jyn, _fuck_ , you feel perfect.” He snapped his hips and the sound his lube-soaked cock made against her flesh made Jyn want to touch herself, and she settled with rubbing her fingers against her nipples while still holding her breasts in place. He moaned beautifully as he thrust against her almost in a frenzy, watching intently for the head of his cock to appear in her cleavage every time. This was more like what Jyn had in mind.

“What do you want now?” she asked because _fucking hell_ she wanted to hear him say it.

“I want to come all over your gorgeous tits and your throat, then I want to lick all this lube off of you, then make you come just as hard. Can I do that, please?” The words rushed out of Cassian and he panted, breathless, watching for her expression. His handsome face was so desperate, and Jyn was delighted.

“You’re asking me?” Jyn purred, “You’re such a good boy, of course you can.”

It didn’t take much longer for him to come—which Jyn assumed was more about the eroticism of the act rather than the stimulation because she was also soaked without being touched—and he made good on his promise, she kept one hand on herself and one gripped his hips as he stilled, back arching beautifully, and she shuddered while watching spurts of semen dribble onto the tops of her breasts, the hollow of her throat, a bit even missed her skin and landed on the hair next to her neck.

Cassian was soon gathering tissues in his hands and wiping his mess away, apologizing with blush on his cheeks when he noticed the cum that was in her hair. As soon as the tissues were in a trash can, he was back on top of her and his mouth closed around her nipple and sucked in a way that set Jyn’s core aflame, as if she wasn’t already burning up. One of his large hands squeezed at her breast as his teeth scraped over her hard nipple while he shoved the other hand underneath her panties and pinched her clit in just the way she liked and fuck, fuck, _fuck_ …

When Jyn realized what was happening it was too late to stop it, and she tilted her head back and nearly screamed as she came, thighs clamping Cassian’s hand and her fingers digging into his hair even as he let go of her nipple and raised his head to look at her, brow furrowed in confusion.

When Jyn came to, he was curled up against her side, a look of delight and slight apprehension on his face while he stroked her hair. She realized she still had his hand trapped between her legs and loosened up, letting him bring his other hand up to hold onto her shoulder while he kissed her forehead. She could barely bring herself to look at him, instead wishing she could crawl into a deep, dark hole and hide.

“Everything okay? You’ve just never, um—”

“My nipples are just…” Jyn paused, still catching her breath, “Just really sensitive, I guess.”

Cassian buried his face against her neck, running a hand over her hip. “You said that the other day, too.” She didn’t answer, but a peal of laughter escaped his lips. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, it was just surprising,” he pulled back to meet her eye. “I liked it, though.”

Any other time, Jyn would be simply embarrassed (even though this was far from the most embarrassing thing she had done during sex) but right then she just felt uncomfortable because deep down she knew why it had happened. She’d read it online, even heard from friends who had babies: nipples get really sensitive during pregnancy. It was common knowledge. She had to consider that her attempts at non-penetrative sex were for naught.

Jyn forced herself to smile and kiss Cassian before leaving the room to clean up (including probably torching her panties because they smelled like…well, _her_ ), hoping he didn’t pick up on her mood change. She lazily dragged a washcloth over her body in the bathroom and really took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. Her nipples were on the edge of sore and maybe she was imagining but her breasts seemed heavier, even fuller. Her mind wandered and everything pieced together quickly—her cramps, nausea, general discomfort in her own body. She was tired, she had to pee all the time, she would eat everything in sight one day but ignore food the next. It was all so obvious.

She estimated that it had been four weeks since those missed pills. She would have to take a test next week.

Jyn held the warm washcloth over her face, trying to slow her heavy breathing, force the tears back in her eyes because she would be damned if she let Cassian see her have a panic attack right after sex.

 

Between classes around noon, in lieu of lunch (she couldn’t keep anything down anyway), Jyn swallowed her fear and went to CVS, emerging with three pregnancy tests and an Arizona green tea. When the large drink finally made its way to her bladder, she found a family bathroom in a campus building and waited. Rinse, repeat.

All positive.

Was it possible to be overjoyed and sick with worry at the same time?

She skipped her last class of the day, feeling more like a ball of nerves than a person as she rode the subway home. Jyn flicked the lights on in the apartment when she entered, suddenly realizing how small it was. Maybe big enough for two, but for three…

She was getting ahead of herself. But that didn’t stop her from lingering at the doorway of her old bedroom, her eyes darting around, pinpointing where she would put some new furniture. Jyn had never had much of an eye for interior design but she at least knew the essentials for a nursery.

She lay on her and Cassian’s bed with the plan to nap, to get out of her head for a while, but sleep didn’t come. Instead she just thought about babies. She imagined herself holding a toddler, a beautiful boy with dark hair that was the picture of his father, except for a pair of striking green eyes. She thought of Cassian cuddling with a sweet girl with adorable curls and brown eyes, babbling at her dad in Spanish until he laughed.

Jyn’s mind wandered and the idea of Cassian talking to her large belly made her stomach do a flip in the best possible way. She thought of so many things before she could stop herself: changing nappies, breastfeeding, reading books out loud to a curious child. She saw herself in various stores buying a crib, a playpen, tiny baby shoes, onesies that had animal prints or said silly things like “I love my mommy”.

Did she even want all of this? Did she want a tiny human screaming in her ear for years, sleepless nights, a permanently changed body, in exchange for whatever unique feeling parenthood is supposed to be? It was scary, but at the same time, a part of herself that Jyn thought she had buried wanted to give someone the childhood that she’d never had. It was a daunting task but she knew Cassian would face it with her, would want to work even harder to make the world a better place for his child. They were good together—they could do this.

Cassian came home later than normal and Jyn only felt a little bad about lying and saying she already ate when he offered to heat up something for her. She watched him move about the kitchen preparing his own food with a newfound appreciation, wondering what it would be like to watch him do that with a baby on his hip, or a young child clinging to his leg. Maybe even both.

When he asked about her day as they sat on the couch together, Jyn froze. She couldn’t find the words and didn’t know _why_. She just vaguely talked about class, then sat quietly while listening to him, wanting to bash her head against the wall for being so cowardly. She knew she couldn’t wait more than a few days to tell him, so she had to figure out what to say and quick.

The next day, Jyn felt so sick it was almost unbearable. She threw up between classes, then satisfied she had gotten it out of her system, planned what she would say to Cassian, reciting it over and over in her head. Her stomach tossed and turned during the subway ride home and the breaking point was smelling something rotting in the trash at the apartment. Cassian was nice enough to clean up after her and once again, words failed her, even once she had calmed down after a nap. If pregnancy made her nap this much, grad school was going to be even harder than normal.

Jyn knew she had no real reason to be nervous about telling him, but she couldn’t help it. Their lives were going to change—it was never just going to be Jyn and Cassian again, and she was fine with leaving him in the dark for just one more day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: way too late noticed I wrote "diapers" instead of "nappies" during Jyn's pov. Apologies, as I'm American, I do British-isms as best I can but inevitably miss some.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn has a surprise for Cassian, and he has a surprise for her. Both surprises go over very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I can't tell you how sorry I am for the wait on this. It's been a combination of writer's block/laziness/depression/me being a perfectionist(ish) but I can't believe it really took this long. I've had this chapter in my head probably since I was halfway through writing All You Had to Do Was Ask but for reasons you'll see I needed it to be perfect so I wrote and rewrote and...yeah. If I stared at it any longer I would just change single words here and there and it would never be posted, but I'm satisfied with what I have and I hope you will be too.
> 
> For anyone still reading, thank you so much for putting up with my bullshit writing schedule, I couldn't do this without the thought that people still are interested in it. I can't tell you what it means to me. Unfortunately I can't promise when the next chapter will be but my god hopefully not 5 months. I have written future scenes though so fingers crossed.

Tonight was the night, Jyn decided. She already felt guilty enough for keeping her pregnancy from Cassian for two days, but she allowed herself that slight amount of selfishness because soon nearly everything she would do in her life would be for the tiny person currently growing in her.

Instead of hanging out on campus like she normally did, Jyn was at the apartment as soon as her last class got out, trying (and failing) to concentrate on homework until Cassian came home. She couldn’t wait until after dinner or before bed to tell him—she had to do it immediately. When she heard the front door open, she hoped she had psyched herself up enough and closed her laptop, shoved aside her notebook and left her room, plastering on a tight smile as she greeted Cassian. He had just barely set his keys on the counter when she took his hand and led him into the living room, patting the couch cushion next to her as she sat. She wasn’t smiling anymore but didn’t let her nerves show in her expression.

He still knew something was wrong and she watched his brow furrow as he looked at her, questioningly. “Jyn, what is it?”

Logically, she knew it was silly to be afraid to see his reaction. She was ninety-five percent sure Cassian would be thrilled with this, just as she was equal parts scared and excited. She knew he wouldn’t run off in the middle of the night and leave her to be a single mum. She _knew_ that. But still, they hadn’t seriously talked about children. They hadn’t been trying. Hell, she had even been taking birth control. There was just no easy way to say it.

“I’m pregnant.”

Jyn felt like all the air had left the room, and couldn’t even imagine what Cassian was thinking. His eyes widened and mouth opened slightly before closing, her name fell from his lips in barely a whisper as he reached for her hand, a gesture she happily accepted. For a moment, Jyn was irrationally annoyed—he didn’t crack a smile, had no visible emotion other than surprise, but she herself had reacted much the same way when she looked at the multiple white sticks a few days ago.

“How did—what about your birth control?” his non-accusatory tone made Jyn relax as much as she could. He wasn’t angry, just confused.

“A while ago I found two of the pills from the same week on the bathroom floor and there weren’t any missing from the pack I was on. I must have forgotten them, I don’t know. I should have told you, but I was afraid of bothering you if it turned out to be nothing.”

Cassian chewed on his lip. She thought that he might press her on that, but he let it go for the moment. “When did you find out?” he asked instead.

“Two days ago,” Jyn admitted, “I meant to tell you, I just…it was hard.”

Cassian was silent, staring at their clasped hands before looking at her again. “Is that why you’ve been so sick?”

Jyn let herself huff out a laugh. “I guess.”

Of all things, that broke the tension. She could almost see Cassian’s shoulders loosen as he lifted their hands to his mouth to press a kiss against her knuckles. He stroked his thumb across her own, relaxing in ways she couldn’t even begin to fathom, even though she knew the hardest part of the conversation was next.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

She knew what she wanted, she knew Cassian would be on board, she _knew_ all of this so _why_ was it so hard to say out loud?

Jyn unclasped their hands and leaned into Cassian, let him put her arms around her while she lay against his chest. She felt the corners of her mouth turn up but didn’t want to get ahead of herself.

“Is it okay if we have a baby?” she asked quietly.

She hadn’t thought about it much before Cassian, afraid to think too far into the future, and in her darkest moments she never thought she would live long enough to experience something like this. She had been forced to grow up too quickly with the loss of her parents and later struggled with poverty after being abandoned by Saw—the world had never been kind to Jyn until now. She was the happiest and most secure she had been in her whole life, her child would be safe and loved, not afraid of their parent or worried about their next meal. And Cassian…Cassian would be a wonderful father. He was the best man that Jyn knew, and for all the faults he saw in himself, he would be fiercely devoted to the two of them, no matter what.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she heard him mumble against her hair. When she leaned forward and turned back to him, her face fell. He just stared forward, not at her, looking like he hadn’t even said anything.

 “Cassian?”

“I’ll be right back,” was his answer while he quickly untangled himself from her and got off the couch, nearly jogging out of the room. Jyn was stunned and confused. The fifteen seconds until he came back were the longest of her life, her stomach churning, wondering what he was doing after being completely cool just moments before.

Cassian had his hands behind his back as he walked in front of her while she was still seated on the couch. She gave him an incredulous expression as he looked down at her, his mouth in a thin line. Then he dropped onto one knee, and Jyn covered her face.

She kicked herself because she had seen plenty of corny proposal videos that occasionally popped up on her Facebook feed where the woman cried, and she told herself she would never do that. It must have been the pregnancy hormones, though, because there she was, being proposed to, her hands covered in tears and a bit of snot because between school, sickness, and finding out she was pregnant, she had been so preoccupied she hadn’t even thought about this, hadn’t noticed him being reticent and fidgety around her.

“Jyn Erso,” Cassian started, and Jyn sobbed again. The grin on his face was so large that it crinkled the skin near his eyes in that way that she loved. His face was even brighter than the diamond ring he was holding and Jyn thought he had never looked so beautiful. She nodded furiously, even though he had only said her name. “Come on, let me actually ask,” he complained in good humor, shoulders loosening.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, trying to settle her breathing.

“Jyn,” Cassian said again, straightening his posture, “It would be really creepy if I said that I’ve loved you since I met you during office hours, right?”

Her snort of laughter was very wet. “Yes, it would be.” She only remembered that meeting because she thought he had been awkward, which in hindsight was kind of adorable.

Cassian’s smile never faded, “I was trying to be romantic but okay, I’ll try again.” He cleared his throat theatrically. “When I suggested we move in together after school, I never thought this would be the end result. I just wanted to live with my best friend because she made me happier than I have any right to be.” Jyn tried not to grimace at that last sentence, but she hated when he talked about himself like that. “Do you remember a few days after we moved, you helped me put together my bedframe and you kept telling me how lame my toolbox was?”

She did. They had sat sweating in his bedroom while he struggled with the world’s worst screwdriver that grinded down on the cheap screws, Jyn trying not to laugh as he labored with the pine frame and metal flakes, constantly wiping his sweaty hands on his cargo shorts. She learned many Spanish curse words that day.

“I just remember you saying ‘What am I going to do with you?’ at some point and I realized that was the first time there was an ‘us’. And after that I was just screwed—that’s when I knew you were it, and I had a big problem because I shouldn’t be in love with my roommate.”

His words took Jyn back all those years ago when she debated whether she could live with Cassian while harboring a serious crush on him. Even after, when she was around him all the time, her heart would stutter whenever he smiled in her direction, she wanted to melt into the floor when he laughed at something silly she said, she hovered around him constantly, wanting to be in his orbit, feel him close without touching, without crossing a line. What would Jyn in the past say if she knew that this is where they would be?

“I love you, Jyn, and I want to spend every day with you. Will you marry me?”

Jyn kept tears back that time and just nodded, let herself get swept away when Cassian picked her up and pulled her into his lap, holding her close, their foreheads pressed together. When he leaned in for a kiss, however, Jyn stopped his mouth with her hand.

“I’ve been throwing up all day,” she admitted, “Because of the…” Cassian trailed his hand down to rest on her belly.

“The baby,” he finished. The look of pure awe on his face and the way he said those two words so reverently expelled any doubt in Jyn’s mind that she wanted this man to be the father of her child. Children, even, one day.

Her face fell briefly. “God, I’m going to get huge.”

Cassian kissed her tearstained cheeks. “I can’t wait.”

“I don’t know shit about kids,” she said, between sniffs, but with a smile still on her face.

“We’ll read some books.”

“We’re…we’re doing this then.” Jyn scooted away from Cassian and dramatically wiped her face, looking a facsimile of composure. “Are you with me?”

Cassian’s resolve never faded when he answered. “All the way.”

 

Cassian stood outside the closed bathroom door, listening for the tell-tale sound of retching that he had grown so accustomed to over the past few weeks. Thank god it wasn’t anything severe but Jyn had bruised her throat, got red marks on her neck from vomiting so hard and so often, and had a minor freak out because she was afraid that the baby wasn’t getting enough food if she was throwing it all up. Cassian felt bad that he couldn’t do much but pull her hair back and remind her that morning sickness typically goes away after the first trimester.

The toilet flushed and the sank ran, but there was no sound from Jyn, not even a cough before she emerged, still wearing her pajamas and brushed past Cassian to go back to their room.

“Did you throw up?” he asked, following at her heels.

She didn’t look at him but shook her head, pulling clothes out of the dresser.

“Did you throw up in the middle of the night or something?”

“No,” Jyn said, starting to change, “I feel fine.” Cassian watched her, not sure if she was annoyed with him for asking. As she took her shirt off, he couldn’t help but look at her belly, but he wasn’t sure why because she didn’t look pregnant at all yet, not even while undressed. There was one definite change in her body, however…

Jyn hooked her bra backwards and spun it around her torso, pulling the straps on and straightening it before walking to the door and closing it to look at herself in the mirror that hung on the inside, continuing to adjust her bra, clad only in that and a pair of panties. After a moment, she huffed in frustration and turned back to Cassian.

“This bra is too small.”

Cassian wasn’t sure what she meant because there was nothing obviously out of place. He didn’t know how bras worked at all, and from what he had heard Jyn say about bra shopping, neither did she.

“Is it?”

Jyn tugged at the straps and her cleavage bounced a bit. It wasn’t weird to stare at his fiancée’s breasts if she brought them to his attention in the first place, right?

“Yeah, it’s spilling over, like it’s tight, but the underwire doesn’t even touch my ribs,” she said, pulling at the bottom, causing everything to bounce more. While her belly had yet to grow, her breasts had. Jyn had never been very busty so seeing her with noticeable cleavage was interesting to say the least. She kept pulling at different parts of her bra while twisting her body, eyes glued to the mirror like if she looked hard enough then the bra would magically fit. She turned to Cassian, finally. “I need to go shopping.”

She only then noticed how red his face was, and smirked.

“We can go shopping sometime. I mean, if you want me there,” Cassian, mumbled, looking away from Jyn.

“You know, when your partner is pregnant, you have to a lot of things for them,” she said with a faux-innocent tone, taking a step toward him.

“So I’ve heard,” Cassian replied, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“You’re going to have to make me all sorts of weird food, and rub my feet, take me shopping for baby stuff…really, it’s a lot to put up with.” Jyn took more slow steps in his direction.

“I think I’ll manage,” Cassian said, not yet sure if she was fucking with him as foreplay or just fucking with him in general.

“Another thing you have to do is keep me happy, because if I’m happy, then the baby’s happy.” Jyn stopped in front of him, gripping his wrists and pulling his hands out of his pockets.

Cassian rested his hands on her hips, feeling her warm, bare skin, which, corny as it sounded, really did glow now. Or maybe that was just always how she looked to him. The glass-green of his fiancée’s eyes was obscured by her large pupils as she stared up at him.

“I’m sure I can do that. What is it you need?” he said in a low voice. He felt her shudder and if that wasn’t a confidence boost, nothing was.

Jyn hooked her hands behind his neck and leaned up so she was speaking almost against his lips. “I need you to get rid of this bra, because it doesn’t fit anyway. Then I need you to tear off my knickers and use that mouth of yours to keep me happy.”

Cassian leaned in to meet her lips, smoothing his hands over the small of her back before they travelled up to open the clasp of her bra, feeling her shiver as she kissed him with fervor, pressed her entire body against his so she could get closer, always closer. Her hands grasped his face and held him to her as if it would be physically painful if she wasn’t touching him, her tongue circling the seam of his lips as it had countless times before.

Cassian took a step back from her, holding the bra straps in his hands still. “I can’t get this off you if you’re pressed against me.”

She fake-pouted and ran her hands along his beard before reluctantly dropping them, letting him finally slide the obnoxious garment off her arms and leave it on the ground. He took a minute to look at Jyn’s perfect breasts, amazed at how much fuller they had gotten in the short time that she’d been pregnant, briefly wondered how much more they would change. Cassian looped his arms around her waist once again, walking them to the bed until he sat down on it and pulled her into his lap. He finally gave her breasts the attention they deserved, taking them in his hands and putting his nose at her sternum, inhaling her wonderful scent.

“Mmm, Cass, can you suck on them,” she said, her fingers locked into his hair, shoving his face closer to her chest.

Cassian clutched one in his hand and took her nipple into his mouth, sucking hard until she keened, making him relax his lips to lave his tongue over the pink flesh. He loved the taste of the bit of sweat on her skin as well as the smell of her that engulfed him as she pulled him into her, desperate for even more contact, though they really couldn’t get much closer. He caught her off guard when he pinched the other nipple and she wriggled in his lap, grinding against the bulge in his sweatpants. He stole a glance up at Jyn and fuck, her mouth was open, her face flushed, brown freckles standing out against her vibrant skin.

“Fuck, why are you so good at this,” Jyn moaned, one of her legs straddling his lap moved to hook around him and he groaned against her breast at the way her center now sat completely on his cock.

He let her nipple fall from his mouth and smiled up at her. “I have to do this now before the baby comes and I can’t touch your boobs anymore.” He braced himself for whatever reaction that was going to get.

Jyn sighed at his comment and let her forehead fall onto the crown of his head, one hand tugging his hair to the side, teasing. “Ew, I don’t want to think about that when we’re having sex.”

Cassian kissed the swell of both of her breasts before taking an exaggerated look at their bodies, noting their clothed lower halves. “Oh, are we having sex?”

Jyn grasped Cassian’s shoulders in a way that almost hurt, her fingernails digging in through his shirt, before grinding down with purpose, making Cassian swear and grimace.

“If you’re not inside me in the next ten minutes I’m going to kick your arse,” she demanded. Jyn could get bossy during sex. Luckily, Cassian was all too happy to oblige.

He flipped their positions and laid her onto the bed, hovering over her and stealing a kiss before making his descent. Jyn held his face with her left hand and he faintly noticed the cool metal of her engagement ring against his cheek. The thought of it made his stomach do a flip, something that hadn’t happened around her since, well, the proposal, probably, and it jolted him out of the present moment because, shit, this was real and it was happening. He was going to be her husband, she was going to be his wife; this perfect woman actually agreed to marry _him_.

He covered her hand with his own and turned his head, kissing her palm. When Jyn noticed him run his thumb over her ring, her face broke out into a grin.

“Thanks for that, I like it too.”

“It looks good on you,” Cassian said. His other hand smoothed over her belly, his heart feeling like it was going to burst when he thought of the life that was growing not far underneath. “So does this.”

Jyn whispered his name, almost to herself, and pulled him back for another kiss. Cassian was losing his mind in the best possible way every time he thought about her as a mother, decided she would be a natural rocking a baby, hopefully one who looked just like her, to sleep. Fuck, they were having a baby together—he still wasn’t quite used to the idea.

Jyn brought him out of his hazy daydream by tugging at the neck of his shirt. Right: he promised to keep his fiancée happy and he wasn’t about to let her down.

Cassian let himself be undressed, his eyes once again stuck on Jyn’s ring when she ran her left hand down the trail of hair leading to his pants. He watched her face as she took in his bare skin and wondered what he had done in a past life to get someone like Jyn Erso to look at him like she was then, like there wasn’t another person alive who she would rather do this with, no one she wanted to share herself with so intimately, not anymore at least. Not even just sex, but their home, their baby—the idea of spending the rest of their lives together was a bit too heavy to think of right then, but Cassian couldn’t wait. He was ready.

Jyn’s grin was all he saw when he pushed her onto her back again and her underwear all but peeled off her body. She was eager to show off to Cassian despite the years they’ve spent together, still not tired of the face he makes when she spreads her legs for him, telling him without words that yes, she still wants him, and there’s the proof. His mouth is soon sealed against her and the breathy sigh that answers him is splendid. Cassian relished the sight from between her legs, the planes of her body on display, stomach shuddering in pleasure, her nipples hard points that he loved to reach up and pinch, the hand not gripping his hair clenched in her own, her skin suddenly too hot for any contact other than where Cassian was making her come undone.

Jyn sighed and moaned and groaned, squirming more than she normally would at his short licks around her folds—her whole pussy extra sensitive now that she was pregnant, something they both enjoyed. It gave Cassian an idea as he pulled back to look at her clit, the swollen red nub just begging to be sucked on, thinking of how he can make this more fun for them both.

He shoved his sweatpants down his thighs while still lying on his stomach and pulled out his cock, already achingly hard as he gave himself quick strokes, twisting the lower half of his body awkwardly. Cassian kissed Jyn’s mound before letting out a gasp to get her attention, not even exaggerating because he really was turned on that much. He watched as Jyn opened her eyes and propped herself on her elbows to see what the noise was about, smiled against her hipbone when she sees what he’s doing to himself and mouths a curse.

“Do you want a blowjob?” she offered, sweeping the hair out of his face. He wonders what a mess he must look with sweat sticking to his forehead and her juices smeared up to his nose.

They’ve tried it a few times—been horny as all hell and given each other oral at the same time, something that sounds fun and sexy in the heat of the moment but ends up being messy and not very productive, and they’ve since learned to take turns.

“Let me finish this first,” he insisted before closing his lips around Jyn’s clit, effectively making her fall back onto the pillow and buck into his face. Cassian relaxed the hand on himself, otherwise he was going to come on their newly washed sheets, and instead focused on tracing her drenched cunt with his fingers, loving the feminine smell of her.

Jyn started to come, wanted so badly to clench her legs together, but was stopped by Cassian, intent on watching her pulse around his fingers, treasure the wetness that was just for him. She had barely finished when he removed his hand and crawled up her body, kissing her lips before replacing them with his fingers, which she eagerly took in her mouth.

“You taste so fucking good,” Cassian said, while his fiancée lapped up the mess she made on his hand. “I could eat you all day and all night.” He gripped his cock again, feeling the dribble of pre-cum that had now run down his length just as Jyn started to tease him by earnestly sucking on his fingers, letting him know what she really wanted in her mouth. Fuck, this was too much already, he didn’t think he could last that long.

Cassian finally shimmied out of his sweatpants and kicked them off his ankles before holding himself over Jyn and rubbing the hard head of his cock through her folds. She unceremoniously spit his hand out her mouth in surprise before wiping up the spittle left on her cheek.

“No blowjob?”

“I don’t think I could do both. This is okay, right?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

Sliding into Jyn and feeling every muscle in her lithe body tighten as she took him was always incredible. She was so wet that he could hear it when he thrust again, the taste of her pussy still fresh in his mouth and Cassian suddenly wanted to lick her clit again, make her curse and kick her legs, so he kissed up Jyn’s neck until his mouth was over her ear and he told her.

“I love how your pussy sounds when I fuck you, how wet it is, it makes me want to lick your clit until it’s swollen and you can’t take anymore. I love when you get so wet that it gets all over my face, it’s all I want to smell for days on end, it’s all I think about.”

Jyn turned her head to look at him, her eyes so wide that it made Cassian smile at her, but he managed to stifle a laugh.

“Bloody hell, I’m already one orgasm in and you suddenly decide to get filthy?” she sounded out of breath.

“You don’t like it?” he teased, “Shouldn’t you feel flattered that I refused a blowjob to do this?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said before wrapping her legs around his waist and clenching down _hard_ , hooking her ankles together so she could grind against him. “You get nothing out of it.”

“You’re mouthy, aren’t you?” Cassian said before biting her earlobe and pushing into her again, making them both scrabble at the other’s naked shoulders, desperate to hold something as this got rougher than either of them expected.

“You already put a baby in me, you know. You don’t have to—ah!” Jyn paused mid-sentence to moan when he nipped at her chin, making his way to the other ear side of her face, “—assert your dominance.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Cassian asked, mouth hovering above her other ear.

“Fuck no.”

Cassian continued his deep thrusts against Jyn’s rolling hips, and the pair worked together like they had so many times before, like they were made to do this, and he focused on how soft her skin was beneath him, watched her face as her eyes clamped shut and her jaw clenched, rigid with pleasure. Jyn grabbed his hair so tight that it hurt a bit, her foot running up and down one of his legs, toes curling as she hit her climax. Cassian got there soon after, sloppily kissing her before groaning through his release and collapsing slightly to her side, knowing her whole body would be tender.

He barely registered when Jyn untangled them but noticed a moment later when she wasn’t on the bed with him, distantly hearing a door close. Cassian ran his hand down his front, wiping at the mess Jyn had made all over his thighs and pubic area. If pregnancy made her _this_ turned on, then he was going to enjoy the next several months.

He turned his head to see Jyn in the doorway, hands on either side of the frame, the morning sun hitting her at just the right angle that he couldn’t make out her features, only seeing her slight curves and bedhead form a beautiful silhouette, dust visibly floating in the sunlight behind her. It nearly took Cassian’s breath away, seeing his fiancée displayed in such an artistic manner, even accidentally. She broke the illusion by stepping out of the sun and into the room, bending down in front of the bed to pick up her clothes off the floor.

“So, did that make you happy?” he asked, a smile on his face as he wiped his mouth.

Jyn threw her bra at him.


End file.
